Super-Foods Diet

posted by : Jon Kroupa on 10/23/2011
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Related Comic: Super-Quinoa

The Diet:

I randomly selected one list of super-foods which contained twenty items. There are many such lists out there, but this is the one that said the foods were specifically for weight loss.

The items were:

  • Steak (4 ounces)
  • Eggs
  • Kale
  • Oats
  • Lentils
  • Goji Berries
  • Wild Salmon
  • Apples
  • Buckwheat Pasta
  • Blueberries
  • Almond Butter
  • Pomegranates
  • Chilies
  • Plain Yogurt
  • Quinoa
  • Sardines
  • Tarragon
  • Parmesan
  • Avocados
  • Olive Oil

Some of these are everyday items, others, much less so.

The Experience:

The list I consulted wasn't meant to be an all encompassing diet, but was given as a way to substitute other common foods with super foods. A lesser man might have gone this route, but there was enough variety in the diet that I decided these foods could be my entire diet for six days.

Are they super? The foods were selected due to some special properties in them which help make humans healthier, but here are some of the other super qualities of these items:

  • They can be super hard to find (in the case of buckwheat impossible)
  • They can be super expensive (as in $23.99 a pound)
  • They can be super bland (as in oats)
  • They can be super unsatisfying (as is parmesan, almond butter, and plain yogurt)
  • They can be super disgusting (as in sardines)

At the beginning of the week I was determined to try each food at least once. I am sad to say that I did not try tarragon, kale, chilies, or buckwheat pasta. I desperately wanted to try buckwheat pasta, and looked for in three different stores, but was unable to find it.

In the mornings I commonly had either an apple or some plain Greek yogurt with a little fruit mixed in. I hadn't tried to eat a pomegranate since I was a kid, and discovered they are a real bother. A little internet consulting revealed that soaking pomegranate in cold water for 10 minutes goes a long way to freeing up the fruit inside. After finally unlocking the secret of the fruit I mixed some in with my yogurt, it was initially kind of good, but I soon became sick to my stomach. For lunch I would either have another apple, or maybe some more yogurt. One day I had a can of sardines. Almost every evening I had salmon for dinner, along with vegetables, quinoa, or lentils. One evening I had steak with broccoli instead of salmon.

I want to talk a moment about sardines. I tried sardines once when I was in high school. A friend of mine had bought a can and I was somehow convinced to eat one. I have no memory of the taste, other than to say I definitely remember not suddenly going out and buying more. Sardines almost taste like tuna, if that tuna still had the skin, guts, and bones, and was submerged in olive oil. Of the numerous people I asked on their preference of the food, only foreigners seemed to think they were good, with the exception of one friend who is in the military. My conclusion is the only people who like sardines are Europeans, and people who suffer from great mental distress.

Parmesan is no mozzarella. I can eat mozzarella all day, in huge quantities, and then cry myself to sleep. Straight blocks of parmesan are quite strong, but are a great hunger suppressant. After less than an ounce of cheese you will no longer have any desire to eat.

Quinoa is described on the internet as an ancient food. I guess this is what was around before the invention of rice. You cook it the same way as rice, and although it has a foreign taste to it, it is not unpleasant.

Lentils are exactly as they taste in your mom's lentil soup, except they are all alone, and the flavor of the lentil is not hidden by other vegetables. Saturday night I had a large helping of salmon and lentil, it was okay, but the lentil doesn't keep you full for very long.

Monday I bought a couple of avocados, I already knew I didn't like them but I was still committed to the diet. I discovered that I have an allergy to avocados in the same way that I do for melons and certain other fruits.

There is nothing particularly special about any of the rest of the foods. When I cooked my salmon I cooked it in olive oil, to try and kill two birds with one stone. In the future I am just going to use a wide shot 12-gauge round for my bird killing. It simplifies things.

I found goji berries at the Wholefoods store for $23.99 a pound. Needless to say I bought significantly less than a full pound. I was surprised by the price, but even more surprised by the unpleasant flavor of said berries. The sales strategy on goji berries is like that of a used car lot, be prepared to over pay for something that is terrible.

The Results:

At one point I was down 5 pounds on this diet, not exactly sure why that was. By the time Sunday rolled around I was only 3.6 pounds down from the previous Sunday, which I still think is pretty good. I would recommend the super-foods diet, it has enough variety to keep things interesting, but it is narrow enough to keep things in check.

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That shotgun comment made me laugh a lot. The more I think about it, the lentils really weren't too bad.

David Kroupa : Oct 23rd 2011, 21:45

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