Primal Living


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Tie: I can really dig this primal lifestyle. I even got myself a nice little wife.
Guy: You can't assault and kidnap a woman and expect her to not send you to jail.
Tie: I've got the perfect defense for this. I've hired the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. 

© Jonathan Kroupa 2011
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Reference Link: Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer (SNL)

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Grok The Caveman

posted by : Jon Kroupa on 06/26/2011

Related Comic: Primal Living

Mark Sisson of Mark's Daily Apple likes to tell you a tale of Grok, the cave dwelling hunter gatherer who was too lazy to make his own bread. God said "in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread." Grok, in his laziness, wasn't interested to making his own bread, so he outsourced it out to India.

The Diet:

The Primal diet is designed around the idea of eating like someone who lived in the Paleolithic period. Basically you eat what meager fruits and vegetables you can scrounge up, you eat a lot of mammoth (when it is in season), and you run screaming from grain. The rest of Grok's day was hoping he didn't break his leg, because like a racing horse, if that happened the rest of the tribe would turn him into glue.

The Experience:

To get into the spirit of the caveman diet I went out, clubbed an attractive woman, and dragged her back to my apartment. When she awoke I told her we were now married. As I sit writing this, looking out the small window in my jail cell, I cannot help but think that Grok's existence was a bit simpler. For instance, he did not have to deal with a modern judicial system.

Enough about that I suppose. I had frozen strawberries and blackberries for breakfast all but one morning with a little half and half on top of it. It was actually quite good. Since these were frozen I found it was best to put a portion in a bowl in the fridge the night before. When I woke up in the morning I needed to take them out immediately, then go about showering and dressing and what have you. This would let the berries thaw enough to actually be edible.

Lunches were mostly salads with a little meat. To keep my hunger down in-between main meals I used carb control shakes, meal bars, and v8 (low sodium).

Most evenings I had some cheese (2 - 3 ounces), a hardboiled egg or two, and a sugar free jello. The sugar free jello is only 5 calories in a 6 ounce container, and 0 carbs. Sometimes if I ate early in the evening I would have the same dinner again after a few hours.

I exercised a lot less this week than I have been since starting the diets. I lifted weights on Monday and a little bit Wednesday, and then I ran a half marathon on Saturday. A half marathon isn't a "lot less" for me, but in anticipation of it I didn't jog as much leading up to that Saturday.

By the time I got to teaching my Friday Aikido class I was starting to feel the classic weariness of living without carbs, so I knew I would need to change things if I was going to be successful in my half marathon. Friday evening I went to a pizza / pasta buffet with a couple of people. I ate one medium plate of pasta and a couple of small slices of pizza. I then started into another medium plate of pasta, except I was only able to finish about 1/3 of it. My tiny stomach has no room for delicious pasta.

The primal diet does allow up to 100 carbs each day, but they should come from vegetables, fruits, and dairy. Not from any type of sugar, processed food, or chemicals. Saturday after the run I drank a chocolate energy drink that had 54 carbs, and some regular chocolate milk, but I finished the rest of the day in the chosen primal diety way.

The Result:

I was able to lose 2 pounds this week. Which means that just like all of the other low carb weeks here and here I successfully lost weight.

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