Oatmeal Diet

posted by : Jon Kroupa on 02/19/2012

The Diet:

The idea of the diet is to have oatmeal primarily for most meals. No sugar added. In addition to that you may have fruit. Some evenings I had a little bit of fat-free popcorn.

The Experience:

Monday I had oatmeal with raisins in it. I actually had this quite a few times throughout the week. I quickly discovered that raisins do nothing to improve the taste of plain oatmeal. In the evening I had some more oatmeal with a little bit of organic maple syrup. Tuesday through Friday I had some fruit on the side: apples, oranges, raisins, and bananas.

I noticed something odd as I went through the week; I was becoming increasingly hostile towards oatmeal. I started prank calling oatmeal in the middle of the night, when I saw oatmeal walking down the street I would swerve my car to try and hit it, and I cut off the head of a horse and left it on oatmeal's bed. The idea of eating the stuff made me sick to my stomach, and I would delay eating for a while. Eventually I just didn't want to eat anymore.

Given the choice between starvation and eating plain oatmeal, man will chose starvation. Science has now proven this.

Friday I got home from teaching totally unwilling to eat oatmeal. I had gone shopping for some normal groceries and ended up gorging a little bit on non-oatmeal foods. I had a bunch of chips and salsa, I had some snickers, and I had a baloney sandwich. Afterwards I passed out for a couple of hours. Was it worth it? If the food had killed me it would have been worth it.

Saturday I was feeling a little bad about the breakdown, so I ate very little for most of the day. I did have some more oatmeal. I also had popcorn and some light Progresso soup.

Because I was no longer sick I really stepped up my exercise this week. I started doing pushups in the morning again. I lifted weights on Monday and Wednesday and jogged (as in normal). I participated in Aikido 4 days this week as well.

The Result:

The whole week I was under the impression that I was actually losing weight, because I had forgotten my end weight from last week. Turns out I was actually creeping up in weight. I ended up being 2 pounds heavier at the end of the week.

The true result is the oatmeal diet is not sustainable. After five days of oatmeal the thought of putting oatmeal in your mouth will make you gag. You'll either starve to death or crack under the pressure and pig out on junk food.

If the food had killed you it would have been from the hydrogenated oils in your snickers.

Elissa Butcher : Feb 25th 2012, 15:39