A Day As Batman

Yesterday I had the opportunity to fill the Dark Knight's shoes for 12 hours while he was otherwise occupied.

In classic Batman fashion I stayed up until 5:30am, then slept for roughly 3 hours, and then donned the suit. Batman is nothing if not constantly sleep deprived. I jumped into the Batmobile and sped off towards my first assignment. I heard the whirl of the engine as the turbo engaged, and I arrived at my destination three minutes later. The Batmobile can really move.

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Throughout my day I learned about some of the burdens of life as the Batman. For all of his technical ingenuity, Batman has yet to design a suit which is restroom friendly. It is a multistep process to satisfy the most basic bodily functions. Typing and hand cleanliness are an issue, as the gloves are integrated into the suit. They cannot be removed. I can't help but feel a little pity, because the real Batman has to suffer these inconveniences every day of his life.

At one point during my patrol I spotted a runaway shopping cart in a parking lot. I successfully subdued the cart and sent it back to its Arkham equivalent. A teenage boy who witnessed my intervention said "You're a real hero, Batman." Later when leaving the scene I heard a female voice say "Batman?" I turned and a group of girls cheered as they realized their childhood dreams of having a chance sighting of the real live Batman. This is why we do it.

Sometimes as part of his extra duties as a member of the Justice League, Batman is called upon to protect certain VIPs. That night I was assigned to protect a young man as he meandered around his neighborhood. For this assignment I was fortunate to also have Catwoman assist me. Man, that Catwoman is really attractive. At one point, an elderly gentleman charitably giving out free food offered some to Catwoman and myself. No doubt he recognized the fine work we do and the good we accomplish.

As the day drew to a close so did my shift. I had worked twelve hours straight as the Batman, and I was completely exhausted. Upon returning home I removed the suit and immediately went to bed. How does he do it? Batman, a man who can wear the suit both day and night, despite all the inconveniences and responsibilities, is a true hero.

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